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Facebook Rules for Marriage (Or Couples)

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Facebook Rules for Marriage - Relationships



Facebook may cause divorce in one in five marriages.

When I hear a statistic like this one, it makes me want to do everything I can to protect my marriage! Which is why I have come up with these simple Facebook Rules for Marriage.

Keep in mind that you need to guard your heart, especially while you are online.  It is very easy to become involved in an emotional online affair without even realizing it.

This can be very damaging to your marriage.

To avoid heartache over Facebook please consider these rules to keep your marriage strong while enjoying the benefits that Facebook has to offer such as keeping up with family or reconnecting with old friends.

*NOTE: I realize that not every single rule is needed in every single case.  The point is to sit down with your partner and decide in a open discussion what boundaries you both need to ensure a happy and healthy relationship free of unnecessary stress or temptations.

Facebook Rules for Marriage

  1. Declare your marriage publicly. Make sure your profile shows you are married, and don’t hold back in sharing your relationship by commenting, liking and linking to your partner when you can. . You never want to give anyone a reason to think you are available online, and this is the simplest way to let everyone know you aren’t.
  2. Don’t talk about your marriage issues on Facebook. Your relationship is between you and the person you are in it with.  Don’t use Facebook to talk about your relationship problems or to insult each other publicly. Your marriage and any issues you may have are private, don’t use a public place like Facebook to share them
  3. Share login info.  I know this one is going to be debatable with some, but I feel that it just removes the temptation of keeping secrets which is the next rule on the list.
  4. Don’t keep secrets.  Being open with your partner all along is the best policy, especially when it comes to online friendships. If you feel the need to keep a friendship secret, you already know there is a problem with it.
  5. Be willing to unfriend someone.  If you or your partner is unhappy about an online friend, talk about it with each other.  If the reasons for concern are valid, be willing to unfriend in order to keep your real relationship strong.  Remember that your real life relationships are much more valuable than any online relationship you may have.
  6. Don’t automatically accept every friend request. Take into consideration how accepting a friend request might make your partner feel.  Think first, is it important for you to be online friends with that person?  How will it reflect on your family? Would you friend them in your real life?
  7. Keep an open dialog about new friends or friend requests.  Again this goes back to not allowing any secrets where your online relationships are concerned.  If you have to keep secrets about your online friends, that is a red flag that something is wrong from the beginning.
  8. Don’t DM privately with anyone of the opposite sex (except family members).  This is just wise in my opinion.  Most affairs start off as just being someone you can talk to when you feel you can’t talk to anyone else.  There really are no good reasons why you’d need to talk privately with someone of the opposite sex on Facebook.  This is just setting yourself up for failure, so don’t do it.
  9. Don’t use Facebook to flirt no matter how innocent you may think it is. If you wouldn’t say it in person with your spouse standing beside you, then it’s not okay to do online.
  10. Be careful how much time you are spending in your Facebook friends worlds.  Remember you have a real world of your own to participate in and that is hard to do when you are busy following someone else’s world.

Keep in mind that the past is there for a reason.  Be thoughtful of your spouse when choosing who to be friends with and interact with online.

Also think twice before posting any statuses.  What you do online reflects on your family and loved ones.  If you wouldn’t put it on a billboard for everyone to see then it’s a good idea not to post it on Facebook either.

I am very cautious in my marriage when it comes to giving the enemy a foothold.  I think that we are living in a time when having a successful marriage is against all of the odds statistically.  We have to do whatever it takes to keep our marriages strong, and sometimes that means thinking of the other person first.

Never forsake your current relationships for the shallow online relationships with people who are not a part of your real world.

You may not think you need all of these rules in your relationship, and you know what works best for you.  I’ve listed all of these rules to give you an idea of the kinds of guidelines you might want to discuss with your partner. Use the ones you both agree on, and forget the ones you don’t.

The main thing to keep in mind is that if your partner is uncomfortable with anything, and you value that relationship over all others, then you should come up with some rules of your own to keep things healthy and happy between you both.

Being open with each other about your Facebook can be a neat way to connect and share your lives together in a whole new way!

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About Kristie Sawicki

Kristie Sawicki is the author of Saving Dollars and Sense, where she blogs about Money Saving Ideas and Frugal Living Tips, as well the Best Coupons, Deals and Freebies around. You can connect with Kristie Sawicki on Google+ and on the Saving Dollars and Sense Facebook page.

Comments

  1. Interesting post. I agree with most of these except maybe the sharing login info – I feel like if the trust is there, then that’s not needed, but maybe not.

    • I know there is some debate as to if it is a good idea or not. I think it depends on your relationship, the main thing to keep in mind is to have open dialogue and not keep secrets.

      • One of the great things about sharing your login info in a trusting relationship is the knowledge that you have nothing to hide and your partner won’t have to checkup on you. Simply sharing is not saying “you need to watch me” it can be a statement of “I trust you to trust me” While my wife doesn’t have my login specifically, she knows the passwords I use and can pick up my phone any time she likes without my worrying what she’ll find.

      • And you can print coupons on your hubby’s account :) and he’ll ask why do I like Babies R Us.

  2. Wonderful information and I have seen problems arise in couple’s personal lives because they did so many of the things you say not to do. It is nice to know that my husband and I are doing the right things. There is more to life than Facebook and people often forget that.

  3. All of this is spot on! My husband and I follow all of the same ideas outlined here and it works very well for us.

  4. Great post. My wife and I pretty much do all the ones on here. We actually did get in a huge fight years ago over someone who was my FB Friend and she asked me to unfriend her. I eventually did but at the time it got pretty heated. Now I can look back and see how ridiculous and minor a “virtual” friend can be.

  5. Great post that I think more people out there need to read. Social media can create a whole slew of marriage problems that did not exist before it.

  6. Love this! The only one I don’t agree with #8. This goes along the lines of men and women can’t be friends. Both my husband and I have friends of the opposite sex that we would DM, but I think the problem is when those relationships aren’t out in the open.

  7. I do not need to know the nitty gritty of your relationship problems in my newsfeed. Thank you for adding that point.

  8. Great post. We each have each other’s passwords, so no secret’s there. :)

  9. Great post. This is all so very, very true.

    My husband and I share log in information for everything from email, to Facebook to any forums we are on. At any given time we can see what the other is up to. It creates a very open and honest relationship with no secrets.

  10. THANK YOU!!!

    My husband and I take those same guidelines and apply them to real life; we both treasure our marriage and make sure that we don’t let friendships with members of the opposite sex (work, church, etc., ) develop into any kind of emotional attachment. Neither of us has friends that isn’t friends with the other person — I don’t have separate male friends and he doesn’t have separate female friends. We know that Satan can use ANYTHING to try and separate a marriage … we have no desire to give him that foothold.

  11. Wonderful post – you said a lot of things my husband and I agree on, no matter what other people say. In reference to sharing login info – should there be trust? Absolutely. But we feel the old adage of ‘if you aren’t guilty, you have nothing to hide’ applies. I know the trust is there because I can’t remember the last time either of us actually USED the login info.

    The only one I disagree with is DMing with the opposite sex. Both my husband and I have friends of the opposite sex. We speak with our friends through messages – joke, catch up on each other’s lives, recommend movies etc. The same goes for texting and emails. There has to be a point where a spouse is allowed to have interactions of their own – and we just don’t feel all of them must be done publicly.

  12. Great points!

    I don’t have my husband’s log in info and he doesn’t have mine (we’d probably both forget anyway) but we both leave our accounts open on our computers and never log out. So we both always have access to each other’s stuff.

    He has never had issues with my friend requests but if he did, it would be a no brainer. I have asked him to unfriend people simply because I didn’t want those particular people to know what we were doing if I tagged him in status updates and pictures. He obliged. No questions asked.

    I think the key is to be as transparent as possible at all times.

  13. Great post idea! I agree with all of it. Funny enough, my hubby is not on Facebook, but he has my password because he likes to occasionally stalk his siblings…LOL! I have nothing to hide, so I am fine with it :)

  14. I follow all of these Facebook rules, except there have been several times that I have sent messages to male friends. I don’t see any harm in that, especially if there is a very specific reason for it. For example, I was recently messaging back and forth with an old (male) high school friend about my daughter’s preschool, since he and his wife were thinking about sending their son to the same school.

  15. I completely agree with all of these rules. Matt and I are super aware of how we interact with members of the opposite sex., both online and IRL. DMing a guy friend would be off limits for me and a girl for him. We keep the same rules in real life. I don’t think anyone sets out to cheat on their spouse. More often it’s a slow, gradual slide. Marriages go through valleys and we want to make sure that we have very clear boundaries in place when that happens.
    “Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4: 7

  16. Absolutely fabulous suggestions! I completely agree with you!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Facebook Rules for Marriage :: We agreed on similar rules before we both signed up for Facebook. It’s just smart to have boundaries. [...]

  2. […] Today, I read a post on one of my friend’s blogs.  The post was entitled “Facebook Rules for Marriage.”  At first the title kind of took me by surprise.  Rules for marriage?  Really?  The more I thought about it though, the more I liked the concept.  It seems like a great idea to have mutually accepted rules that each party will follow.  With Facebook causing far too many divorces today I think it’s important for couples to have “Facebook Rules” that they agree upon.  A few of the rules she listed was to “Share Login Info.”  Check, my husband and I do that.  Another was “Don’t DM privately with anyone of the opposite sex (except family members).”  While we don’t exactly follow this we do make a point of adding each other to those conversations so there can never be any room for question.  If I’m messaging a man I’ll also add his wife into the conversation too so she doesn’t have any reason to be suspicious.  To see the whole list of Facebook rules, head on over to SavingDollarsAndSense.com. […]

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