May I take a moment and get real transparent with you in this post today?
Beginning sometime last week, I struggled with a cloud of depression that slowly crept up on me and I quickly found that I just could not seem to just shake it.
There are a lot of things that I think might have contributed to the state I soon found myself in, and many of them were completely out of my control. But recognizing the cycle can be very helpful in knowing when to jump off the merry go round before it gets too fast to safely do so.
It happened to be that time of the month which meant my hormones were all out of whack, and I caught myself playing fairly close to the edge of The Pit of Compare several times.
I had many projects that needed to get completed and that meant many late nights working and early mornings rising which led to a state of exhaustion that only seemed to magnify the sadness that was left to fester inside.
I needed to take some time to recharge my emotional fuel tank, but I ignored the signs and just kept going until it was unavoidable any longer.
I was stuck.
What had started off as legitimate sadness over the things happening around me had become a pit of depression and hopelessness.
Sometimes it is hard to notice when you are slipping into the pit, but there are signs if you know how to look for them.
I am happy to say that I have found my way out of the pit I stumbled into, but it wasn’t enough to just find my way out. I still had this heavy feeling on my heart, and whenever I get that feeling I know there is only one way for me to release it.
I needed to share what I was feeling with you here along with the things I used to get through the depression that had threatened to engulf me. It is my hope that even one person will read this and find what they need to get through it as well.
I heard it said once that the only way out of something is to go through it, and now that I am on the other side I pray that I can shine the light so you can find your way through it just a little easier too.
The first thing I needed to do was revisit the distorted forms of thinking that I learned years ago from my very close friend and mentor, Janine.
- All-or-nothing thinking – You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.
- Overgeneralization – You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
- Mental filter – You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives.
- Discounting the positives – You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t really count.
- Jumping to conclusions – You conclude things are bad without any definite evidence. These include mind-reading (assuming that people are reacting negatively to you) and fortune-telling (predicting that things will turn out badly).
- Magnification or minimization – You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.
- Emotional reasoning – You reason from how you feel: “I feel like an idiot, so I must be one.”
- “Should” statements – You criticize yourself or other people with “shoulds,” “shouldn’ts,” “musts,” “oughts,” and “have-tos.”
- Labeling – Instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” you tell yourself, “I’m a jerk” or “I’m a loser.”
- Blame – You blame yourself for something you weren’t entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook ways that you contributed to a problem.
List borrowed from Beyond Blue!
I spent an entire day just sorting out my thoughts. I was looking for which ones were real and which ones were distorted thoughts that the enemy has planned for evil to keep me trapped in my sadness and hopelessness.
It helps when I can logically take a look at things even if it doesn’t take away the sadness right away because I have learned that I cannot trust all of my feelings all of the time.
Now I want to say that I do realize that there are times when medication is necessary, and I am not at all trying to discount real clinical depression.
But for myself, most of the time it is simply sadness that has gotten out of control and latched onto areas in my life where it does not belong. this is why it is good for me to take time to sort through my thoughts and logically decide which ones are real and which ones are distorted.
Ways to break free from the sadness:
- Pray. Because honestly, it is the first thing I always do in any situation, especially those that seem hopeless. You know King David, a man after God’s own heart, spent many verses in the Psalms being pretty real and honest with his depression. And God always saw him through it, and he wants to do the same for us too!
- Reach out to someone you trust and share honestly how you are feeling. Just talking about how you are feeling and bringing the darkness into the light can release a lot of what tries to hold you in your pit. Fear and shame over what others will think if they knew how you felt or thought can be powerful when left unchecked.
- Make sure you are taking care of yourself with enough sleep, exercise, healthy food, and proper hygiene. Getting ready each day from head to toe and spending some time outside can be very beneficial to your overall well being.
- Limit the activities that cause undue stress. Obviously there are things you cannot limit, but all of the extras need to go when you are trying to come out of the fog. Learning to say no is a HUGE tool that we all need to practice using more!
- Find activities that you love to do and help you relax. Maybe try taking a walk, reading a book, take a hot bath, listen to music, or watching a movie. Mine happens to be writing and gardening!
I hope you will find some of the tips in this post helpful, and I would love to hear your comments and which techniques you use to get through the cloud of sadness.
When you have tried to do all you can on your own, it might be time to reach out for professional help. You can find out more about that here.
Psalm 42:5
The Message (MSG)
5 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He’s my God.
Jerry Mike gibbs says
Thanks for these words….ideas!!!! GOD only knows where we are when this disease jumps on our minds and bodies…seems to me over the past 3 years it is coming on from every aspect of my life. …Vietnam, deaths in family, sickness.. health…everywhere and everything! !!.. GOING TO TRY ALL IDEAS YOU HAVE LISTED….just lost my nephew yesterday. ..48 years old…
Karen Boswell says
This is so very helpful. I do not suffer with deep depression but sometimes there is a cloud of it on me. I can usually identify it when I don’t feel like doing the things I always love to do. (My hobbies ). This article will help me by giving me a step by step plan to figure out what is going on. And you are right, prayer is the first thing to do. Thank you so much. KB
Kristie Sawicki says
Karen – I am so happy to hear that you found the info in this post helpful.
Angie says
My husband and I have just decided to divorce. I have prayed that he would seek help for his distorted thinking and ultimately depression. He has chosen not to. His filter on life and everyday experiences has clouded his thought and judgment to a point where he seems unreachable. I’ve decided to make peace with the situation and continue to pray for his heart to be healed and his recovery. I’m sad for us both.
Kristie Sawicki says
I am so sorry to hear this Angie. I will be praying for you both.
Kari Ann says
Great article! I was feeling very similar in light of recent events and also some illnesses in the family. I often feel when it comes on and I try and get out of it, most times I can but sometimes are harder then others and friends always help 🙂 as well as other things you mentioned. Keeping ourselves healthy is most important.
Paula @ Frosted Fingers says
I went to a doctor once for help to lose weight and the doctor looked at me and told me “you’re depressed, you need medication.” This was the first time I ever met the doctor and had only talked to her for 10 minutes. You can’t make that kind of claim that quickly! My mother had just died a few months before, of course I wasn’t happy!
Anyway, this has been an extremely hard week for me as well. Huge hugs to you and I’m glad you were able to pull yourself out of the pit.
Jenn says
I’m sorry that you went through this but I am so happy that you were able to get through it and use that experience to help others.
I found myself struggling with depression not too long ago – after dealing with a medical scare, I was actually more depressed after it was over and I was okay…it was almost as though I was tryin so hard to be strong during it that I completely broke once I knew I was okay. I actually thought I was sick because I was so fatigued, I had no desire to do anything, no food looked appealing or tasted good – and then I realized “Oh, I’m depressed, aren’t I?” Once I realized what was happening, I was able to kind of force myself out of it. xoxo
Sheila says
Sad to say.. you are not alone. I am right there with you. And, my poor son is dealing with major depression so it seems to be all around.
Huge hugs to you.
Karen L says
🙁 Us too and it is SO hard to watch someone else struggle their way out. Hang in there.
Robin Gagnon {Mom Foodie} says
Glad you’ve gotten through. So many times it really is how you look at things. If you look for things to be grateful for daily, your spirit will be hard to break.
Believe me I have my “poor me” days, but thankfully they are very rare. On those crappy days, I look to my little girl. Despite the struggles she faces daily due to autism she is a chipper little soul… then I feel a little ashamed of my selfishness, give her a big hug and go do something constructive.
… of course if a depression is chemical rather than situational, that may be easier said than done.
Cynthia says
Thank you for sharing your insights and experience dealing with depression. Very insightful. I plan to print this out & place it on my refrigerator. Recently, I completed a mood study program which discussed your top 10 wrong thinking processes. Some things are not in one’s control, and bad things happen to good people…sometimes we need to learn to bounce like Tiger !
Beeb Ashcroft says
Very eloquently put – you shared some really good insights. Depression is a very serious health issue that is still shrouded in confusion and stigma, so I want to commend you for speaking out. Last week was definitely a tough one.
Erin@MommyontheSpot says
Thanks for sharing! The way you describe slipping into the pit- it is so true! It can be so gradual and then the next thing you know, you are in deep and don’t remember even falling.
I also love your tips . Thanks again!
Tiffany says
Awesome post Kristie, thank you so much for sharing. I feel like I should print and put on my fridge.
Kristie Sawicki says
I need reminding often 🙂
Katrina says
Thank you for sharing. Very helpful thoughts. I had one of those days yesterday. I’m a mom of 4 kids, ages 6 and under (the youngest is 4 months) and I couldn’t stop beating myself up over not accomplishing everything I want to- you know, cleaning the bathrooms and such. I was lamenting that I couldn’t do anything that I wanted to do and then realized that God had given me all the time to do exactly what HE wanted me to do. It helped me refocus and not worry about the dirty bathrooms or messy kitchen.
Kristie Sawicki says
Thank YOU for sharing. I think the key is to realize none of us are alone and we all have days like this 🙂
Shannon says
You are not alone, I’ve struggled with depression throughout adult life. Awareness is key. You’ve shared some great tips and resources. 🙂
Kristie Sawicki says
Thanks Shannon, I agree about awareness being the key.