Facebook may cause divorce in one in five marriages.
When I hear a statistic like this one, it makes me want to do everything I can to protect my marriage! This is why I have come up with these simple Facebook Rules for Marriage.
Keep in mind that you need to guard your heart, especially while you are online. It is very easy to become involved in an emotional online affair without even realizing it.
This can be very damaging to your marriage.
To avoid heartache over Facebook please consider these rules to keep your marriage strong while enjoying the benefits that Facebook has to offer such as keeping up with family or reconnecting with old friends.
*NOTE: I realize that not every single rule is needed in every single case. The point is to sit down with your partner and decide in an open discussion what boundaries you both need to ensure a happy and healthy relationship free of unnecessary stress or temptations.
Declare your marriage publicly.
Make sure your profile shows you are married and don’t hold back in sharing your relationship by commenting, liking and linking to your partner when you can. You never want to give anyone a reason to think you are available online, and this is the simplest way to let everyone know you aren’t.
Don’t talk about your marriage issues on Facebook.
Your relationship is between you and the person you are in it with. Don’t use Facebook to talk about your relationship problems or to insult each other publicly. Your marriage and any issues you may have are private, don’t use a public place like Facebook to share them
Share login info.
I know this one is going to be debatable with some, but I feel that it just removes the temptation of keeping secrets which is the next rule on the list.
Don’t keep secrets.
Being open with your partner all along is the best policy, especially when it comes to online friendships. If you feel the need to keep a friendship secret, you already know there is a problem with it.
Be willing to unfriend someone.
If you or your partner is unhappy about an online friend, talk about it with each other. If the reasons for concern are valid, be willing to unfriend in order to keep your real relationship strong. Remember that your real-life relationships are much more valuable than any online relationship you may have.
Don’t automatically accept every friend request.
Take into consideration how accepting a friend request might make your partner feel. Think first, is it important for you to be online friends with that person? How will it reflect on your family? Would you friend them in real life?
Keep an open dialog about new friends or friend requests.
Again this goes back to not allowing any secrets where your online relationships are concerned. If you have to keep secrets about your online friends, that is a red flag that something is wrong from the beginning.
Don’t DM privately with anyone of the opposite sex (except family members).
This is just wise in my opinion. Most affairs start off as just being someone you can talk to when you feel you can’t talk to anyone else. There really are no good reasons why you’d need to talk privately with someone of the opposite sex on Facebook. This is just setting yourself up for failure, so don’t do it.
Don’t use Facebook to flirt no matter how innocent you may think it is.
If you wouldn’t say it in person with your spouse standing beside you, then it’s not okay to do online.
Be careful how much time you are spending on your Facebook friend’s worlds.
Remember you have a real-world of your own to participate in and that is hard to do when you are busy following someone else’s world.
Keep in mind that the past is there for a reason. Be thoughtful of your spouse when choosing who to be friends with and interact with online.
Also, think twice before posting any statuses. What you do online reflects on your family and loved ones. If you wouldn’t put it on a billboard for everyone to see then it’s a good idea not to post it on Facebook either.
I am very cautious in my marriage when it comes to giving the enemy a foothold. I think that we are living in a time when having a successful marriage is against all of the odds statistically. We have to do whatever it takes to keep our marriages strong, and sometimes that means thinking of the other person first.
Never forsake your current relationships for the shallow online relationships with people who are not a part of your real world.
You may not think you need all of these rules in your relationship, and you know what works best for you. I’ve listed all of these rules to give you an idea of the kinds of guidelines you might want to discuss with your partner. Use the ones you both agree on, and forget the ones you don’t.
The main thing to keep in mind is that if your partner is uncomfortable with anything, and you value that relationship over all others, then you should come up with some rules of your own to keep things healthy and happy between you both.
Being open with each other about your Facebook can be a neat way to connect and share your lives together in a whole new way!
Jenn says
I have my live in boyfriend who has several of his past girlfriends on his friends list and one post she missed him, on his merry Christmas post. I confronted him and got mad at me for being jealous.
Although it’s not Facebook fault. However, it is very damaging to relationships. If people can keep their past in the past and not worry about what their exes are up to and concentrate on the one you’re in a relationship with,it would help eliminate a lot of potential problems and unnecessary drama.
Kristie Sawicki says
I am so sorry, and I agree that it can cause a lot of unnecessary drama.
Rah says
My boyfriend has friended his high school girlfriend (again) after deleting her the last time the issue blew up. I didn’t know till months later. I don’t stalk his page. (Well, I didn’t.) I also didn’t know that he had changed his status to single. I had no idea. You don’t get a notification when someone socially dumps you. You’re still in a relationship–with yourself. Your article is beautiful and simple. We have had all of those red flags. As an adult, I never would have thought that social media could, would hurt me so much. I know it isn’t Facebook hurting me. It is him. I have a lot of thinking to do after this.
Kristie Sawicki says
I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this.
lisa says
I unfortunately caught my hubby exposing himself during a private message session. I confronted him about it, I was very angry, he was wasted out of his mind, of course I now have his password cause he gave it to me.
He was extremely apologetic, but the fact of the matter is its a open door for cheating.
I was hurt to the core, it still haunts me. But he knows now that I’m watching, he has my password too. I’ve nothing to hide.thanks for the good read god bless
Kristie Sawicki says
I think a lot of times it’s starts as harmless. I’m sorry he did that, I can imagine how painful it must be but I also think it’s good that it came out and now you can deal with it in the open. Praying for you both.
heidi says
If you need these rules you probably shouldn’t even be married.
Lessie says
Ha ha! I was just thinking the same thing!
Ashley says
Absolutely fabulous suggestions! I completely agree with you!
Sarah Weeda says
I completely agree with all of these rules. Matt and I are super aware of how we interact with members of the opposite sex., both online and IRL. DMing a guy friend would be off limits for me and a girl for him. We keep the same rules in real life. I don’t think anyone sets out to cheat on their spouse. More often it’s a slow, gradual slide. Marriages go through valleys and we want to make sure that we have very clear boundaries in place when that happens.
“Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4: 7
Alysia says
I follow all of these Facebook rules, except there have been several times that I have sent messages to male friends. I don’t see any harm in that, especially if there is a very specific reason for it. For example, I was recently messaging back and forth with an old (male) high school friend about my daughter’s preschool, since he and his wife were thinking about sending their son to the same school.
Mrs. Weber says
Great post idea! I agree with all of it. Funny enough, my hubby is not on Facebook, but he has my password because he likes to occasionally stalk his siblings…LOL! I have nothing to hide, so I am fine with it 🙂
Shauna @ Momma Candy says
Great points!
I don’t have my husband’s log in info and he doesn’t have mine (we’d probably both forget anyway) but we both leave our accounts open on our computers and never log out. So we both always have access to each other’s stuff.
He has never had issues with my friend requests but if he did, it would be a no brainer. I have asked him to unfriend people simply because I didn’t want those particular people to know what we were doing if I tagged him in status updates and pictures. He obliged. No questions asked.
I think the key is to be as transparent as possible at all times.
Kenda says
Wonderful post – you said a lot of things my husband and I agree on, no matter what other people say. In reference to sharing login info – should there be trust? Absolutely. But we feel the old adage of ‘if you aren’t guilty, you have nothing to hide’ applies. I know the trust is there because I can’t remember the last time either of us actually USED the login info.
The only one I disagree with is DMing with the opposite sex. Both my husband and I have friends of the opposite sex. We speak with our friends through messages – joke, catch up on each other’s lives, recommend movies etc. The same goes for texting and emails. There has to be a point where a spouse is allowed to have interactions of their own – and we just don’t feel all of them must be done publicly.
Rachel @ Following In My Shoes says
THANK YOU!!!
My husband and I take those same guidelines and apply them to real life; we both treasure our marriage and make sure that we don’t let friendships with members of the opposite sex (work, church, etc., ) develop into any kind of emotional attachment. Neither of us has friends that isn’t friends with the other person — I don’t have separate male friends and he doesn’t have separate female friends. We know that Satan can use ANYTHING to try and separate a marriage … we have no desire to give him that foothold.
Rachel says
Great post. This is all so very, very true.
My husband and I share log in information for everything from email, to Facebook to any forums we are on. At any given time we can see what the other is up to. It creates a very open and honest relationship with no secrets.
Kerri Hale says
Great post. We each have each other’s passwords, so no secret’s there. 🙂
Katrina says
I do not need to know the nitty gritty of your relationship problems in my newsfeed. Thank you for adding that point.
Brittany Ramos says
Love this! The only one I don’t agree with #8. This goes along the lines of men and women can’t be friends. Both my husband and I have friends of the opposite sex that we would DM, but I think the problem is when those relationships aren’t out in the open.
Jennifer @ MySweetSanity says
Great post that I think more people out there need to read. Social media can create a whole slew of marriage problems that did not exist before it.
Andrew @ Mommy's Busy Go Ask Daddy says
Great post. My wife and I pretty much do all the ones on here. We actually did get in a huge fight years ago over someone who was my FB Friend and she asked me to unfriend her. I eventually did but at the time it got pretty heated. Now I can look back and see how ridiculous and minor a “virtual” friend can be.
Cat Davis says
All of this is spot on! My husband and I follow all of the same ideas outlined here and it works very well for us.
Gwendolyn M says
Wonderful information and I have seen problems arise in couple’s personal lives because they did so many of the things you say not to do. It is nice to know that my husband and I are doing the right things. There is more to life than Facebook and people often forget that.
Liz says
Interesting post. I agree with most of these except maybe the sharing login info – I feel like if the trust is there, then that’s not needed, but maybe not.
Kristie Sawicki says
I know there is some debate as to if it is a good idea or not. I think it depends on your relationship, the main thing to keep in mind is to have open dialogue and not keep secrets.
Nick says
One of the great things about sharing your login info in a trusting relationship is the knowledge that you have nothing to hide and your partner won’t have to checkup on you. Simply sharing is not saying “you need to watch me” it can be a statement of “I trust you to trust me” While my wife doesn’t have my login specifically, she knows the passwords I use and can pick up my phone any time she likes without my worrying what she’ll find.
Sarah Weeda says
And you can print coupons on your hubby’s account 🙂 and he’ll ask why do I like Babies R Us.